I never knew what real living was like, always filled with the messages arising from my childhood traumas. Always feeling less than, poor me, that won’t work, I can’t do it, life is miserable, and on and on.

So, as I sit here and reflect on this 20-year journey several thoughts come to mind. I never knew how sweet life could be as I stood on the corner over 20 years ago entertaining the possibility of being locked up again. I went to the first thought of, ‘How could I kill myself?’ because I was headed for the penitentiary all for a dime rock.

Reasoning with my mind that I had not done anything purposeful or meaningful in my life.

This is it.

Only to be invaded with the other thought, ‘You won’t see one day in the penitentiary.’ I could not figure the logic in what I now know as a pure spiritual message. Even though that message was so clear, definitive and direct I could not imagine that it would come true.

I went to the Lennox station waiting to be transferred to Men’s Central. I put in for an OR and they gave it to me! I had never gotten an OR before, could there finally be some good luck for me?

I wish I could say that I stopped making stupid decisions right then and there. But I did not.

However, a judge believed in me and ordered me to a recovery house.

I did not know much about addiction at that point, but accepting that you are an addict is a life saver. The addiction was going to become the vehicle to straighten out my life.

I started on my journey toward self-acceptance on September 22, 2000. Straight Laced No Additives: I stopped living my life from my shadow side, while accepting all parts of me, no excuses, no trying to make myself look better to others. Through that total acceptance I started healing and transforming my life, bit by bit. One day at a time.